Self-Reflections

Hi guys!

I just want to tell you guys about what I am feeling today.

I really don't know where to start...

I have a lot of things in my mind and I will not censored anything. 

I decided to be myself today! Just today...

Recently, I have been reading a book called,"Confessions of a sociopath", written by M.E. Thomas. I started to question myself. If 1% to 4% of the world's population are sociopaths... 

That means there are around 210 million of them are living among us. Many questions started to pop out in my mind like, "Is my friend a sociopath?" "Does one of my family member diagnosed of antisocial disorder?" "Am I a sociopath?" 

Through my resources, they stated that the characteristics of sociopath are feeling remorse or lack of guilt, risk taker, impulsive and manipulative etc. Honestly, I do admire them. Sometimes I feel amazed at these sociopaths. How can they manipulate people and their surroundings so well? I am really curious to know what kind of thoughts would come across their minds.

Somehow, I realised that sociopaths are rather positive people. They have their own beliefs. They have strong moral value about themselves. The nature of being calculative and "cold-blooded" are the keys to make them achieve what they want, especially when you don't even bother about others' feelings. Now, I understand that why many of them ended up being leaders or criminals. I am so glad that Ms. Thomas made a confession about her being a sociopath. I respect her, as it is not easy to open a secret about themselves.

After reading the book I started to question myself, can the characteristics of sociopaths be found in non-sociopaths? So I did a sociopath test along with a few of my friends. The results showed that all of us are sociopath but with different degrees. Most of my friends were below 30% while I had the highest percentage among us. This makes me wonder do all non sociopaths have at least a few characteristics of a sociopath? If they do, how can we wake these monsters up so that we can achieve our best potentials? I might sound crazy but I am sooo curious!

Then, another questions started to appear again; can a non sociopath who has high EQ be a sociopath? 

I don't know to that answer because I am describing about myself. I have a high EQ and may be a suspect of sociopath (I had taken many online tests and the results shows that I am above average for both). MAY BE... Can these 2 associates with one another. If you are going to manipulate YOUR people, you have to know their behaviours and intentions (these include feelings). Am I right? 

Normally, I know what my friends are feeling, especially if they are down. I couldn't help them. So i just walk away like a breeze. I never feel like there's a need to comfort them. Coz I believe the best person they can approach for comfort is themselves. In other words, I do not want to waste my time because the answer lies within themselves. Thus, I would only give them a simple advice. That's all I did. If they are not going to listen, I don't care. Me, sharing my feelings... I think it is a social interaction that is all needed for human survival. So that you are not being left out in the society. Understanding their feelings, greatly give the advantage for me confirming the information given by them (to know if it is true or false). If I need "help", usually I ask start a conversation with that person so that at least I can make a connection with them. At the end, I will try the manipulation.  

Knowing their intention, behavioural patterns and secrets.... They are all easy tasks for me to find out. I usually act dumb. I act as if I am gullible. I did these because I wanted to confirm the information I heard.

I do not classify any of my friends as my best friends. I don't really have enemies either. I am sorry to say this but again, friends are just for survival. Enemies make you stronger. Believe me, I sound like an arrogant person but I am not. If you know me, you will thought that I am innocent. I am not. I am not bad person either. I do care about my friends and family who are truly close to me. If strangers dare to touch my family or close friends, I will kill them by all means. I have feelings too. 

About love... Marriage... I don't even know if I love someone. I no longer understand that feelings anymore. May be I was traumatize of loving someone??? Well, I am not sure if an incident make me think that marriage is not necessary for people, at least for me.

I do not find marriage is necessary. I think it is just a cultural norm. Ops. I am sorry if I offended some of you but it is true. Marriage, is just to find an additional asset given from your partner. Let me tell you the dark side of marriage.

Having to married someone is just a culture. A culture that people think that it is a MUST to do. Don't get me wrong, it is definitely FINE to marry anyone you "love". However, this "love" will fade away eventually. Humans don't tend to keep their feelings forever. They always looks for something much better, greed. So what kind of benefits you will get when you are married. Firstly, marriage will lessen your "life" burden. Both, you & your partner, are earning for a living together, you would have more income. Moreover, having children is the best investment you will get during your marriage. The more children you have, the more assets you have. Why do I call these children "assets"? (Including myself, I am an asset of my parents) It is because when your parents are old, they expect children to support to them. That means giving $$$ to parents. Well, I think giving $$$ to parents are necessary. This shows that we respect our parents. But if you think in a business method without feeling empathy at all, you, married couples need $$$ for survival, so you need to produce "assets". You give your children the best education and are hoping that your children can earn so much MONEY so that they can support you with ease. (I hope you get what I mean). 

I feel relieved to share some of my thoughts. I don't even know how I touch the topic on marriage XD

Please don't get me wrong. Although I scored highly for... it doesn't mean I am... you know what I mean. I am just sharing my thoughts.